tuesday the 29th

i am now suffering under the delightful exhaustion of too much fun. i think my sternum is broken, if it is possible to have your sternum broken by a three year old jumping on your chest from the couch. still, despite the physical pain, my niece makes me laugh... not like a laugh that comes from hilarious wit or the truth in most jest... but from a state of pure joy. to be a grown up now, i often wonder about the grown ups when i was a little girl and think they must have loved me the same way and still do. and to be human and capable of such a love that comes bursting at the seams, well... if we are truly made in God's image and i believe we are, then how much more are we loved on a universal scale.

so if i have to get an x-ray... well, it was worth it.

change is good

i haven't written on this blog in a while, not because there has been nothing to share, but too much. my trip to L.A. was a much needed escape... i needed to not be surrounded with sameness. i needed new people, places and things to look at. the pacific ocean is so overwhelming - i could breathe out there. i think my favorite memory is sitting by myself eating a blueberry muffin and drinking my coffee outside at a table on the Newport Harbor. i was so far from everything that had hurt and angered me and i could almost pretend i was someone else... someone who hadn't been blind-sighted and mystified... someone who was stronger. and then i realized that i was. stronger, that is... and i am still. i could go back home and be an example to my friends; i could be an encouragement. using our spritual gifts from God fuels us into a natural joy... those hurts and disappointments don't go away but they become valuable lessons that we can use and for that i am thankful. is this what Paul meant when he spoke of learning to be content even in prison? everything this life and the enemy tries to use against us - turn it around and use it for goodness. it is truly a miracle.

and now i am living in a new home... a huge blessing in and of itself. here i am at the end of my first week there and it feels so strange. it does not feel like home yet. part of this is because i am currently living in a construction zone. and i have no neighbors yet. the walls are a nasty taupe color and the dust left over from construction has given me a perpetual headache. but i know this will take time... things will change, become more solid, more finished. and i'm looking forward to those changes.

one bad change followed by a whole host of good. and though things aren't perfect, nothing ever is, i know there's joy to be found in all of this.