breaking clay pots...

last night was fun. i think i laughed more than i have in a long time. even when i sit with my friends at dinner and we are all making fun of each other... each of us got a turn so its fair. people are not meant to be alone. i learned in church today something i never thought about... about the Trinity. relationship was never created... it has always existed. my definition of alone, i then realized, is so flawed. in fact, in all of my desperate attempts to understand what's happening to me - to call myself alone by my own fallible definition of the word, i'm falling into a deeper trust in myself and farther away from a trust in God. my own comprehension, my own searching, my own answers are fraught with error and misunderstanding. first off, all i have are my own circumstances and these i use to explain boundless possibilities?! i remain confused! but if, in my confusion, i turn to God... admit that i don't understand and stop trying to... why do we need to have all the answers right now? God shows me that, as Pastor Jamie said today, a tree's roots grow deeper in dirt and decay than in a clay pot, protected and ornate. if i want it all to be summed up neatly and to be given a perfect understanding without standing there in the thick of all that can happen in life, then i'm missing out on tremendous growth, a finding of strength and a much... MUCH greater faith.