on being missed

tonight i received a phone call from my three year old niece. well, my sister dialed the phone... but you get the idea. on the other end i heard a very faint whimper and then finally she let out, "i'm saaad.". "why?", i asked. "because i miss you", she continued to whimper in the most downcast tone imaginable. we say she's a drama queen, but i think she's just highly sensitive. i respect that. but the state of my heart after a phone call like that... well, i can't describe. to be missed in such an honest and unabashed way. (i should mentioned i saw her only this morning and will see her again tomorrow). i've noticed when she does these things, the first instinct is to almost laugh a bit (as your heart melts). silly girl, she's only three... she hasn't learned yet how to be stoic and hide her emotions like us grown up adults have learned. wait, why do we have to learn that again? even as i type this, there are people i miss that i know i won't call. there's that inner switch of just not wanting to make myself vulnerable to people. isn't that sad? its because i've been burned before and i know what can happen when you're vulnerable. makes me want to protect her from ever getting hurt because i don't want her to lose that part of her. i want that part of me back. but anyways... to be missed, not that i want her to be sad, feels kind of good.