Being Shy

There's something I've been wanting to clear up for a while. It's bugged me a lot and I haven't really known how to approach the subject with people so I let it sit on the shelf and fester. But I figured that a blog is as good a format as any to air my grievances about this one particular issue. And that issue is simply this: shyness. Shyness is something that is highly misunderstood by people who are naturally outgoing. "You need to just get out of your shell," they say. I can't tell you how many people have told me this over the years. And this is what I have to say to that:

If you are an outgoing person, then why don't you try being shy? Try going to a party where all of your friends are (and a sampling of interesting, new people as well) and go stand in a corner sipping punch without joining in. And if a person tries to talk to you, answer briefly and return to your punch.

I am willing to bet that for an outgoing person, this experiment would prove to be extremely hard and uncomfortable. They would be bursting at the seams to join the fun and meet all the new and interesting people who are so close but so far away.

Not only that, but I bet that that person's friends would notice that they are not being themselves and would find it very odd.

Now, imagine you're a shy person at the same party. Your friends are there and so are some new and interesting people. You're watching the action and having fun because no one really expects a whole lot of you verbally. So you're able to quietly sip your punch and enjoy the festivities in your own special way.

Ah, but one of your buddies implores you to "Come out of your shell." Okay... Here goes. The party is loud and you're not. So you try to shout a conversation in someone's ear. They don't completely understand what you're saying. Suddenly you start to feel very self-conscious (because this isn't really you) and feel the heat of blood rushing to your face. Knowing that you're visibly embarrassed makes you more embarrassed and you forget what you're saying. The person looks even more confused, you get more embarrassed. It's obvious you're not being yourself... because yourself is not the kind of person who tries to strike up conversations at loud parties. Yourself is the kind of person who enjoys watching from the sidelines and talking to people one-on-one over coffee after the party about how much fun it was.

I guess all I'm saying is - it takes all kinds. And when people try to be something other than who they are, they wind up looking more foolish. Why is there anything wrong with being shy? I find it endearing and the people who are smart enough to make an effort with shy people and get to know them are pretty lucky after all. :)