tuesday the 29th

i am now suffering under the delightful exhaustion of too much fun. i think my sternum is broken, if it is possible to have your sternum broken by a three year old jumping on your chest from the couch. still, despite the physical pain, my niece makes me laugh... not like a laugh that comes from hilarious wit or the truth in most jest... but from a state of pure joy. to be a grown up now, i often wonder about the grown ups when i was a little girl and think they must have loved me the same way and still do. and to be human and capable of such a love that comes bursting at the seams, well... if we are truly made in God's image and i believe we are, then how much more are we loved on a universal scale.

so if i have to get an x-ray... well, it was worth it.

lazy days

summertime in the south rides in on a hot, dusty haze… life slows to a drowsy crawl and everything that’s happened begins to fade. hurts cut fresh in the winter cold are healing and new skin wraps itself around the brokenness. springtime made everything new and now those new things become just everyday life again. arms are weary from pushing forward and long for an ocean to drift for a bit. we look away from the things that remind us of what we left or what left us… it’s time to walk away and close the door… walk out into the bright sun and know that everything will be whole again.

change is good

i haven't written on this blog in a while, not because there has been nothing to share, but too much. my trip to L.A. was a much needed escape... i needed to not be surrounded with sameness. i needed new people, places and things to look at. the pacific ocean is so overwhelming - i could breathe out there. i think my favorite memory is sitting by myself eating a blueberry muffin and drinking my coffee outside at a table on the Newport Harbor. i was so far from everything that had hurt and angered me and i could almost pretend i was someone else... someone who hadn't been blind-sighted and mystified... someone who was stronger. and then i realized that i was. stronger, that is... and i am still. i could go back home and be an example to my friends; i could be an encouragement. using our spritual gifts from God fuels us into a natural joy... those hurts and disappointments don't go away but they become valuable lessons that we can use and for that i am thankful. is this what Paul meant when he spoke of learning to be content even in prison? everything this life and the enemy tries to use against us - turn it around and use it for goodness. it is truly a miracle.

and now i am living in a new home... a huge blessing in and of itself. here i am at the end of my first week there and it feels so strange. it does not feel like home yet. part of this is because i am currently living in a construction zone. and i have no neighbors yet. the walls are a nasty taupe color and the dust left over from construction has given me a perpetual headache. but i know this will take time... things will change, become more solid, more finished. and i'm looking forward to those changes.

one bad change followed by a whole host of good. and though things aren't perfect, nothing ever is, i know there's joy to be found in all of this.