written a few months ago...

i think of myself as a rock for those I care about but forget too often that Christ is mine. my spiritual gift is mercy first. discernment is my second. I love being happy and idealize too much but am often drawn to sad things as a weird sort of fascination type of thing. I want to heal everything that is broken and feel more determination than despair when I can’t. there is no giving up, there is only waiting for the answer. sometimes the answer is not what you want or think you want. but as long as there is peace, you know that God is in the midst of it.

this still applies today.

the ache

it comes in waves, this ache.. a sort of non-descript tugging at your heart. a discontent with who knows what. its anything and everything. its watching the sunset and wanting to chase it around the earth. or its even just hoping that someone will pick you up and carry you the next mile or so… or at least tell you which direction you need to go. it can be feeling like a kid again, helpless and hopeful… or maybe just a need to scream at the top of your lungs and throw lawn furniture into the pool. either way, its there inside and maybe it will go away… later today or perhaps tomorrow. until then, its here telling me something’s to be done.

the end.