checking in

i haven't written here in a while. i started this blog as a way to vent... mostly to people who won't be the people or person i'm venting about. but as of late, my need to vent has become less and less. what was a nasty wound is becoming a scar. and soon it won't even be noticeable... except by me. is healing from a hurt just getting to the point where you don't feel it as much? or see it, so you don't think about it anymore? but really... deep down it's still there. it still happened. and it changed you. you are a little less whole than you were before.

ah, here i go again. all of this is to say, i think i've gotten stronger this year. i've learned about honesty. about just being straight-forward with people. because i know how much a lie can hurt... or heck, even just the withholding of truth. we do so much to try and hide the things from other people that we think will hurt or upset them. and all the effort that goes into hiding, ends up causing even more hurt. and then it's too late... too late to say you're sorry to someone. sorry doesn't fix what you could have prevented by just being honest in the first place. it just twists the knife a little. honesty is showing respect. being open is showing respect. and i can't handle having someone i respected whole-heartedly show such little respect towards me. that is all.

i needed that vent. but despite what you see here, i am moving on. three steps foward and one step back... but soon, very soon, i know i will stop looking back. it's okay.